Thursday, January 4, 2018

An Open Letter To Men On Dating Sites, Part 3: Let's Meet!

Would you like to meet?  OK!

16) If you like texting us, then be open to Skype or FaceTime before you meet us.  Why?  It tells us that you actually are the person in your photos, and that your living circumstances are as you described them.  Men who refuse to video chat come across as having something to hide or simply unwilling to give one woman their undivided attention long enough for a conversation.

17) Usually a first meeting involves coffee or a drink.  If you plan on paying, please take the lead in picking a place that is within your budget.  A good woman won't assume you are paying, but if you are, she doesn't want to dictate how much an evening with her should cost.  Now, I know this may not meet with your experience, some women will take advantage of your generosity by ordering he most expensive items on the menu.  This should tell you something about the woman you're meeting.

18) Please pick a place that is conducive to conversation.  Few things are more frustrating than trying to get to know someone when you can't hear him over the ambient noise.

19) Learn how to use the "Do Not Disturb" feature on your phone, or at least turn off notifications.  I have been on dates where the man set his phone, screen up, on the table and never looked at it again the entire evening.  This isn't something I expect, but it was a huge sign of respect.  Most men keep their phones tucked in their pockets, which is also fine.  But when you pull out your phone and contort yourself to check it in a way where you are obviously concealing the screen, it is a little awkward.  Maybe just excuse yourself and run to the restroom if you absolutely must check to see who just called or messaged you.  But better yet, respect our time and company enough to turn off notifications from tomorrow’s date until your date with us is over.

20) If the date ends and you aren't interested in another, please just politely let us know.  Something like, "Thank you for the opportunity to meet you!  I don't think we're a romantic match, but I enjoyed our conversation and wish you the best!" is fine.  You really don't have to give a reason.  And please don't give us a reason that isn't true.  The fact is, most women have friends who are on the same dating sites, and we talk about the dates we've been on.  We really prefer not to get a message from a friend who was just asked out by the same guy who told us the day before that he changed his mind about dating and is deactivating his profile.

Its bad enough when it comes from a friend...but I actually got one from my ex's new girlfriend.

21) Keep track of who you meet.  If we meet you for coffee and you aren't interested in a second date, it is a little awkward getting a connection request from you on a different dating site a few months later.  Especially when you use the exact same opening line.

22) There is a negative perception around "baggage."  The truth is, most of us have had experiences that impacted us positively or negatively in the past that we carry forward into future relationships.  Ideally, we have integrated these experiences into our sense of self and what we desire from a relationship.  If, however, you still have lingering issues that you can't get over, please don't use us as a distraction to help you repress your issues rather than dealing with them.  A therapist may be a better choice than a date.

Still with me?  One more to come!

No comments:

Post a Comment