Thursday, January 4, 2018

An Open Letter To Men On Dating Sites, Part 4: Committing

You'd like to keep seeing us? Wonderful!

23) Please ask us anything you'd like to know about us rather than assuming.  For example, not all women who maintain a good quality of life after a divorce are living off of maintenance from a wealthy ex.  But at the same time, assuming a single mom can spot you a couple hundred bucks to cover next month's rent isn't cool, either.

24) At some point, you've gotten to know us well enough that you want to be officially a "couple."  If it is your desire that we are no longer active on dating sites or talking to other men, we probably feel the same way.  This means it is time to deactivate your account and to let the other women that you still communicate with know that you've met someone.  We realize that other women who took a liking to you may still check in on occasion, but at some point we should be able to reasonably expect to get through a dinner together without texts coming through from other women you've dated.

25) If we've gotten to the point where you have given us dedicated bathroom drawer space at your place for a hairbrush and lip gloss, then we've gotten to the point where we shouldn't find other women's jewelry and hair in your bathroom.

26) If we've gotten to the point where we spend the night together or take a trip together, then we've gotten to the point where you really need to put a stop to ex-wives/girlfriends/lovers that continue to harass you with daily letters, text bombs, and 20 phone calls a day.  If we are being woken up by text messages from your ex at 3:00 am, then she is harassing us, too.  Please respect us enough to deal with it.

27) There is often this unknown period of time during which we want to get more comfortable with each other before we get introduced to family and friends.  That is completely understandable, especially when children are involved.  While there may be no hard and fast rule, it probably should happen before we start living together two years into the relationship.

I know, without a doubt, that you have your own lists of struggles with women that you've met.  Certainly, nobody is perfect... but maybe understanding our perspective a bit will help you adjust your approach to one that draws a more desirable response from us.

All the best,

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